don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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