I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
