And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
