Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
