I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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