so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
