i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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