drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
