sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
