addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
