so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
