is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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