Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
