I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
