Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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