I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
