The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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