She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
