You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
