The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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