he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
