I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
