one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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