You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
