I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
