Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
