I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
