Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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