One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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