if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
