3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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