Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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