like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
