For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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