Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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