I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
