May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
ok first of all what the fuck
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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