I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
