Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
