oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
