I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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