just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
