just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
