oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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