Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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