he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The beer is more important than you right now.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
