Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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