Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
