I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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