It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
