I'd wear matching sweaters with you
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
